Communication. It's hard sometimes. I mean, really hard... even when you've decided to have a love-based marriage.
I've noticed, that sometimes for some reason, I don't seem to be able to tell my husband what's really going on in my head or what I'm really feeling.
It's not his fault, because it has nothing to do with him not understanding what I'm saying. What I'm saying is not what I really want and need to say.
What do you mean?
Since I got married, I've noticed how confusing marriage can be. And when I haven't defined a feeling, hidden very deep inside my heart, I become very confusing.
I say things I don't mean. I act the way I don't mean to act. But because I don't know what I'm feeling, my behaviour turns into a crazy emotional mess. When my husband answers rationally, it leaves me unsatisfied. Why? Because the real reason is still hidden.
I've noticed that couples need to work hard to communicate better. I've also noticed, that before I can communicate better with my husband, I need to be able to understand myself better - to communicate better with myself.
First you wanna go to the left, then you wanna turn right.
Wanna argue all day, making love all night.
I've talked with many married ladies, and one thing that seems to be an issue for many of us, is the weird jealousy. I'm not talking about being jealous about other women. I mean, that we (I generalise) are jealous when the husband spends time with his (guy) friends.
But do we really want our hubby dearest to stop spending time with his friends? No!
Do we really want him to forget his hobbies? No!
Do we really want him to stop doing the things that inspire him? No!
But still we're upset when he has a guys' night and is excited about it. This is just one example of confusing feelings and how we react to them.
What do you really mean, my silly little head?
As I said, the jealousy thing was just one example. If that's not your thing, lucky you, but you might have something else that's turning you into a weirdo. Before you can communicate well, you have to know what you are feeling and thinking.
What's behind this jealousy? Why am I so insecure about this? Why? When? Where? Questions and more questions!
Try to get inside your own silly little head, so what your communicating to your husband is really what you mean.
I've noticed, that we are often jealous of his friends, because we feel he is not excited to spend time with us. When we're together, it's not "cool" or something he is dying to too. Maybe we're just... ordinary.
And if we are ordinary, something to not get really excited about, does they love us anymore? Are we not attractive anymore? Are they bored with us?
Am I a disappointment?